The game of hypotheticals
by BIRDSdon'tBUZZ
Summary: Somehow Arthur and Merlin start a game of hypothetically. It goes something like: hypothetically if I had magic, what would you do? But there is stuff and things before that...


Welp. here's another thing I will probably never finish.

It all started with an innocent enough question. You see, there was this visiting Lord. He turned what should have been a simple council meeting about road repair into a meeting about road repair, road making, barn building, horse raising, knight training, and Castle rights. And Oh could this lord talk about his castle, dragging on and on in this vexatious nasally voice.

Arthur was sweating heavily in his royal garb by the time the last item on this lord's list was covered. It was nearing 100 degrees in the room at this point. Uther was just about to release his now smelling court when the instant Lord spoke up once more.

"Sire, before you close for today we must talk about taxes!"

Every other lord, noble, and servant in the room groaned, Arthur just leaned back and motioned for Merlin to refill his water goblet and whispered in his ear.

"Hypothetically speaking Merlin, if I were to kill an innocent man, what would your reaction be?"

Merlin smiled and kept his snort to himself. "Hypothetically Sire, I would help you hide the body." Arthur actually did snort as Merlin pulled away.

When the meeting was finally over and the lords and nobles were all but running from the room Arthur still sat as if deep in thought. Merlin was about to ask if Arthur had found a way to sleep with his eyes open when Uther clapped his son on the back to congratulate his son on his attention span effectively snapping Arthur back to earth.

At the time Merlin would have told you Arthur really had found a way to sleep through the meeting, much later he would note that innocent jest as the start of the best chapters of his life.

From the council meeting on Arthur seemed a bit out of it. He didn't remember his afternoon tea with Morganna, almost tripped down some stairs (much to Merlin's amusement), and got beat in a duel in practice. Finally, as Merlin served Arthur his dinner in his room Merlin got tired of Arthur's constipated thinking face and stared at him with his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised until the Price finally looked his way. Merlin huffed when he did.

The Prince raised a return eyebrow. "What's got your panties in a twist MER-lin?" Arthur asked.

"It's not what's got MY panties in a twist SIRE, it's whatever is twisting up in your head."

Arthur frowned then. "Absolutely nothing is TWISTING up in my head MER-lin."

"Well, you've had that face on all day-"

"And what 'Face' would that be MER-lin?"

Merlin smirked. "The one that makes you look like a constipated child SIRE~" The Apple Arthur had been eating was now flying through the air, Merlin dodged it just as a second fruit hit him in the gut with a thud.

Merlin raised his hands in surrender when Arthur threatened to toss a chicken leg at him. "Okay, then Prat." he said, "I just wanted to make sure you were alright!"

Arthur's eyes softened and his victory smirk faded as he put down the chicken leg. "I am fine..." But he winced while he said it.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Yes Sire, that did just sound as unconvincing as you thought it did."

Arthur sighed and huffed out a small laugh as he raked his hands over his face and looked at his Manservant. "It's just- no nevermind..."

"Please don't tell me you are acutely pondering the tax increases that Lord suggested..."

"Oh no-Gods no." Arthur shook his head. Truthfully he didn't even remember the second half of that meeting. He sighed one more time, screwing his eyes shut before opening them and looking directly at Merlin's. "I mean hypothetically if I killed an innocent person, in all seriousness, would you really help me hide the body?"

Merlin froze to the spot and through his mind at the problem. His answer from earlier, that had been what had tripped Arthur up all day? Merlin scrunched up his nose and eyed his prince. "A truly innocent person?" He questioned. Arthur nodded. And it took a second of thinking before Merlin realized that yes. Yes, Merlin would help hide a body for Arthur.

Merlin had long since made peace with the fact that he would do anything for Arthur, but his automatic reaction to the hypothetical question gutted him. I wouldn't matter who Arthur killed, Merlin had bound himself for life.

Merlin, in his inner chaos, must have lost track of time because Arthur looked away then. "Forget it, Merlin...Nevermind, take this and leave for the night you are dismissed-"

"No," Merlin said.

"No?.." Arthur looked back up and Merlin realized his mistake.

"I mean yes! No to the dismissal, but yes I would in all seriousness help you hide a body."

Arthur's eyes widened by a fraction and he opened his mouth to say something, closed it, then opened it again. "You would stay loyal to me, even after I killed an innocent person?"

Merlin nodded. "Yes, Sire..." but he trailed off. "This is still all hypothetical right Arthur? You're not planning on really killing somebody?"

Arthur was quick to make a disgusted face at the mere thought of killing an innocent life. "Hell no MER-lin, who do you think I am?"

"Someone who would ask their servant to hide a body apparently," Merlin said cheekily.

"Said the servant who would willing help hide a body." Arthur fired right back. There was but a moment's silence before Arthur asked another question. "Hypothetically, would you stay loyal after I killed ten innocent lives?"

"Oh, I would talk you out of it before you killed that many Sire, we would run out of hiding places for the bodies."Merlin deadpanned.

"MER-lin answers the question, that's not how you play the game. I asked would you still be loyal?"

So they were playing a game now then? Merlin snorted. "Well hypothetically if I was still loyal after one body, I think I would still be around ten," Merlin said, and Arthur was about to open his mouth again, but if this was a game Merlin was going to play too, He raised his voice over Arthur's (always a dangerous move) and boldly asked. "Hypothetically if I were to kill an innocent person, what would YOUR reaction be?" and it silenced Arthur.

Merlin thought it was almost funny to see his same expression from earlier mirrored back at him. The thoughtful face of two parts of your soul screaming different answers back at you in reaction to a simple hypothetical question. Arthur's face broke and Merlin knew without an answer that his less morally correct half had cried louder like Merlin's own had. Now Arthur just looked troubled.

"I-I would..." Arthur twisted his signet ring, a nervous tick Merlin had documented a long time ago. "I- God's Merlin I don't know what I would do."

"Would you, hypothetically, turn me over to Uther?" Merlin asked.

Arthur shot up, "NO!" he yelled out, the force of it surprising both of them. The two occupants of the room glanced at each other's surprised expressions for a second before Arthur sat back down. "No, I would hypothetically NEVER do that to you, Merlin. I would probably orchestrate some coverup, or break you out of jail- the third rotation of the guard would be perfect for a breakout all I would need to do is..." It seemed Arthur then remembered his words were treason and glanced back up to Merlin with wide eyes. "This is all hypothetical of course, not that I would even consider this in a non-hypothetical situation..."

"Hypothetically Sire, it's not hypothetically illegal to talk about treason hypothetically." Merlin offered.

Arthur seemed to relax, even smiled at his servant's antics, "Of course Merlin, hypothetically of course."

"Hypothetically Indeed" Merlin grinned. At this point, they were both one glass of wine from giggling loonies, and any logical person would have stopped it there, but Merlin was decidedly invested in this new game.

"Hypothetically speaking sire, if I killed 10 people-"

"No MEr-lin, it's my turn now," Arthur spoke in his most pratish voice.

"But you got to go twice!" Merlin complained.

"I'm the prince MER-lin I ALWAYS get to go twice." Arthur looked back at Merlin in triumph. "It's a new rule, I officially just made up."

Merlin grumbled in defeat. "Alright then Prince Prat, then go."

Merlin was expecting a 'you can't talk to me like that MERLIN!' from his Prince, but instead what he got were a calculated look and another hypothetically serious question. "hypothetically speaking, Merlin...what would your reaction be if I told you that you were my best friend?"

Merlin's magic fluttered with happiness under his skin (or was that just butterflies in his stomach?) "I would hypothetically tell you that you're my best friend as well Arthur" Merlin smiled, Arthur smiled, and then Merlin had to go and add "if a Prince and a Servant could hypothetically be friends." and then Arthur was not smiling anymore.

In fact, Arthur was completely silent until Merlin went to leave. Then Arthur called out. "Merlin, If I hypothetically told you that I sometimes think that you are my ONLY friend, what would you do?"

Merlin stopped on his way to the door and turned back to his prince. "I would hypothetically tell you it's not true Sire. You have plenty of friends."

"How do I k-know?" and it broke Merlin's heart to hear Arthur's voice break just then. Arthur had never said it out loud, but Merlin always saw just how difficult it was for Arthur to socialize and make friends. Too much riding on his shoulders, and to many untrustworthy people.

"You know because they have your back Sire." Merlin started. "Your friends are the family that you choose, their love is almost unconditional. Trust me when I say that when you lead, your friends will follow."

Arthur was still for a second before moving and blowing out his candle by his bed, plunging the room into darkness with just the sliver of light provided by the cracked door. Merlin took it as the dismissal it was, but the feelings behind it eluded him.

"Rise and Shine Sire! It's another way-to-hot summer day and you and your knightly knights get to spend it sweating all day in the sun!" Merlin sang as he entered Arthur's chambers with a tray of food. But Arthur was already up- and dressed- and once again constipated.

Merlin sighed as he sat down the food and Arthur started to lightly pick at it. Just then Merlin got a brilliant idea. "Hey, Sire..." Merlin said through the starts of a shit eating grin, "hypothetically speaking, If I told you I laid an egg overnight and need you to sit on it to help me hatch it, would you?"

Arthur looked very confused. Merlin grinned, Arthur started to laugh.

"What kind of question is that MER-lin?!" He said trying to get ahold of his princely laugher. (and failing)

"I very hypothetically serious one," Merlin affirmed. "It would be a big blue egg with pink polka dots that could only be hatched by a royal bum of course." That made Arthur loose it completely, however, Merlin didn't fare any better.

Later when Merlin had cleaned up after breakfast Arthur stopped Merlin yet again on his way out the door to say that he would defiantly sit on an egg that Merlin laid. Hypothetically speaking of course. Merlin was stopped in the hall by a guard because his smile looked 'suspicious'.

Arthur picked the game up again later in the midsts of training while Gawain and Lancelot were having a duel. Arthur walked right up to Merlin and asked: "Hypothetically speaking, do you think I could take on both of them at once?"

Merlin was startled for a second and then said in a thoughtful voice, "hypothetically I would say that Gawain and Lancelot would kick your butt Sire."

Arthur frowns and gazes back to the field where the fight is getting intense. Battle moves Arthur didn't learn till a few years ago were swung around like child's play.

"But hypothetically I'm still the best swordsman in Camelot right?" Arthur asked glancing at Merlin.

"hypothetically Arthur, you are the best swordsman in the entire world." Only the sounds of the fight transgressing could be heard for a solid minute until Merlin spoke again. "Completly hypothetically speaking Sire, but if I wanted to learn how to use a sword, would you teach me?"

Arthur's head whipped around to look at Merlin. "Do you want to learn how to use a sword, Merlin?" He asked.

Merlin shook his head no. "No, Sire. Hypothetically I don't need a sword. But hypothetically, would you take your time to teach me if I wanted it?"

Arthur looked back to the fight at hand. "hypothetically speaking, my father would never allow it."

Merlin deflated.

Arthur looked back to his saddening friend. "But hypothetically," he said, "we wouldn't tell him." And if Arthur commissioned a few new practice swords to be made, well Merlin didn't ask hypothetically why.

That Night Arthur was forced to entertain the 6 daughters of a foreign king. They were handsy and drunk and Uther had directed Arthur to entertain them at all costs. It was a nightmare. Merlin leaned down and whispered in Arthur's ear "If I hypothetically spilled wine all over you, would you get to leave this feeding frenzy?"

Arthur nodded, and the next time Arthur needed a refill Merlin hypothetically accidentally spilled the wine all over him.

Arthur did get to leave the party. And they walked to his chambers together. "hypothetically speaking, Merlin, would your ego get too big if I called you a genius?"

"Not at all Sire." Merlin said, "hypothetically I don't get nearly enough appreciation around here."

Arthur snorted. But then his pace slowed. "Ah, hypothetically speaking Merlin... If I never married would you be mad I never produced an heir?"

Merlin pondered the question for a second. "hypothetically, I would ask why you never married."

Arthur looked over at Merlin then glanced away. "hypothetically, the why is not important. Play the game MER-lin."

Merlin sighed. "hypothetically I would say Morganna would be thrilled to produce and heir for the thrown and you shouldn't worry about it."

Merlin caught a brief smile on Arthur's face before it vanished. Merlin didn't want it to vanish. "hypothetically if I had a whirlwind affair with one of those LOVELY ladies and she fell terribly plump with child, would you hypothetically protect me from her when she came to claw my eyes out?" It was meant as a joke, it was funny the thought of a servant filling a princess with a child. Or it should have been, but Arthur didn't seem to think so.

"W-would you hypothetically leave Camelot for this lady?" Arthur's voice was unusually shaky. Merlin's eyes snapped to his.

"Never," Merlin spoke.

Arthur faced away again. "hypothetically I would then claim I laid with the lady instead. She would not correct the situation and I'm sure my father would be pleased if I married her quick enough..."

Merlin didn't know what to say to that. Not truly. "You would marry to fix my mistake?"

Arthur wouldn't quite make eye contact with Merlin. "OF course not MER-lin." He said haughtily. "I would do it to avoid having to sleep with those banshees! I would get a free hier and I wouldn't have to look at how Lady Dorthianne is missing all but one front tooth! And did you see the size of the mole on the end of her sister's nose! No, you would defiantly be doing my a favor by sleeping with that woman."

Merlin was unimpressed. "Uhuh...Well, SIRE, I will keep that in mind."

The look Arthur gave Merlin could kill.

The Game seemed to die until a few night's later When Arthur had a rare night off and was spending it in the tavern with Gawaine, Lancelot, Percival, Elyan, Leon, and Kay. And of course Merlin, because.

It was late into the night when Gawaine suggested starting up a drinking game. Ideas were tossed around before Arthur spoke up. "How about a game of hypothetically?" He asked the drunken table.

"Haven't heard of that one princess!" Gawaine said. "How do you play?"

Arthur sat up straighter and started to explain the game as if he wasn't just making it up as he went. "It's simple, someone comes up with a question, a hypothetically crazy question, and everyone answers the question. The person with the best answer wins and everyone else has to take a drink."

Percival went first. "hypothetically, if you were not a knight, " he nods to Merlin, "Or a servant, what job would you want to have?"

"A guard," Leon said

"Butcher" Kay said

"Smith," Elyan said

"Explorer," Lancelot said.

-alt-

Now maybe it was because Merlin was a little drunk, or that it was just a game, maybe some other entity just begged for it to happen, but when it was his turn Merlin opened his mouth and said the first thing in his head. "I would be King of the Druids at this point."

It was silent for a solid two seconds, just long enough for Merlin to see the confusion and horror and interest on the faces of his friends, but not quite long enough for him to panic. A second later the whole table was laughing. Laughing so hard they drowned out the rest of the sounds in the tavern. Merlin took a second to smile at all the knights giving full belly laughs, heads back, trying not to look like fools. Arthur had always looked great like this, even if he was drunk.

"King of the druids! Ah!" Kay was seemingly the first person to catch his breath. "Where do you even get this stuff!?" Another round of laughter.

Lancelot, while he had laughed, found the second to glance at Merlin, eyebrow raised (was Guais giving lessons now?!) in a silent question. 'Realy?'

Merlin smiled and nodded to his friend, who then took a big gulp from his tankard. The exchange went mostly unnoticed save for all but Gawain and Arthur who held their gazes for a moment too long before both returning to the conversation that had turned to the idea of Merlin being the leader of anything, let alone druids. When the idea that Merlin had magic came up the whole table came alive with laughter once more. Merlin just smiled into his cup. Someday, if anyone remembered this, this was going to be hilarious to bring up again.

"Farmer." Merlin said (only because 'king of the druids' would be all too real)

Arthur was next and looked over at Merlin briefly. "Farmer." He said, with some stuttering from the others.

Gawaine was last around the table, he smiled and yelled "DRUNKARD!" and ironically enough was the only one not to drink the round.

"Alright! My turn!" Gawain said rubbing his hand together. "Let's see...if Merlin was hypothetically a girl, who would have hit that already?"

It did not go unnoticed that Merlin squawked and Arthur choked on his drink. Percival looked hesitant for a second but Arthur gave a nod for him to answer Gawaine insane question. "If Merlin had been a girl, I would have sent her flowers..." There was a slight blush to Percival's (and Merlin's) cheeks.

Gawaine shook his head "but would you hit that?!" Percy mumbled something that Merlin could not hear in the loud tavern, but by the way, the closer knight howled with laughter he was not sure he wanted to know. Leon was next.

"If Merlin was a girl, I would have snuck out during practice and brought her to the gardens..." At least Leon would answer as a gentleman. "And then fucked her in the flowers." OR NOT. Merlin hid his face in his arms, the others whistled.

"Leon! You sly dog!" Gawaine said

"Wouldn't someone notice you were missing?" Kay asked

"No one questions the first knight," Leon said. "I would hypothetically just say I needed to sort the armory and no one would bat an eye."

"Didn't you 'sort the armory' last week?" Arthur asked narrowing his eyes.

"Hypothetically yes Sire," Leon answered.

Kay, Elyan, and Lancelot would apparently also have shagged Merlin if he were hypothetically a she. Lance had even cooked up a story about how after he would have saved the fair maiden Merlin from the Griffin he would have whisked her away to a hand-built house and had 8 children.

Finally, it was Merlin's turn. Red-faced and blushing he glared down the howling knights and cleared his throat. "Hmmm..." He said making his voice a few octaves higher than normal. "Well, hypothetically if I was a Woman, I would have turned all of you down." Gasps. Merlin fluttered his eyelashes. "I would hypothetically use my feminine charms to work my into the prince's bed where I would have fallen heavy with child, gotten married, and ruled a pampered life never having to deal with a sweaty knight ever again~" He added a giggle at the end for effect. It worked.

The Knights all gapped at Merlin. Arthur, who had earlier look like he was ready to kill his friends now look like his world had been turned upside down. Neither Arthur nor Gawaine even bothered going, they declared Merlin the winner.

It seemed that even if you were a Prince, the tavern lady would still kick you and your drunken party out when she closed. This was how Merlin found himself dragging a half drunk Arthur back to his chambers.

Arthur clung to him like a limpet. It was a huge workout for Merlin to lung his Prince through the streets and into the castle with Arthur dragging his feet and trying to get Merlin to say yes to sleeping in the middle of the hallway. Merlin didn't even bother trying to fully undress Arthur for bed, just took off his boots. Merlin had thought Arthur had fallen asleep the second he had hit the bed, but instead when Merlin looked up Arthur's eyes were open and watching Merlin.

"Merlin?" Arthur slurred.

"Sire?" Merlin asked back

"Wuld ya' really marry me if ya' were a gurl?"

"Yes, sire," Merlin said back. That really should have been all Merin said, but Merlin wanted to ask one more question. "Hypothetically, would you marry me, if I were a girl?"

Arthur rolled back into his bed and looked up at his canopy. "Hyypoo-

thetii-kailly, I ccould neverr wed a sevvant..." Arthur sighed "My father..." Another sigh and Merlin could have sworn Arthur had thought about this before by the way he acted. Was it silly to hope? Merlin would never admit it, but some small part of him was thrilled at the idea of marrying Arthur, even if just hypothetically.

Merlin decided to change his question. "If you could hypothetically court and wed anyone of your choosing, with no social repercussions, who would you seek out?"

The question was a bit long for Arthur's drunk up brain to process, so it took a minute, and even so Arthur never truly answered with words. However, the kiss Arthur dragged Merlin in for said more than enough for Merlin. Arthur was asleep before Merlin pulled away. Merlin wished Arthur a good night and could not decide if he wanted Arthur to remember their encounter in the morning or not.

"Rise and Shine Sire!" Merlin sang like he did every day. Arthur just growled from under his mound of blankets. Merlin pulled back the curtains and heard the lump hiss.

"I said RISE AND SHINE ARTHUR!" Merlin yelled at the lump.

"Go away Merlin-leave me and my headache to sleep." groaned the lump.

"No-can-do Arthur! You have a meeting to attend! So get your lazy daisy butt up and-OMMF!" A pillow hit Merlin in the face. Well. Merlin was going to get Arthur up. A wicked smile curled on Merlin's lips as he walked over to the other side of the room, right next to where the water basin was, and then walked back to the bed with heavy foot falls. "Sire~" Merlin said through his grin. "What would you do if I hypothetically had a full jug of cold water I was holding over you right now?"

The lump froze. "You wouldn't dare..."

" hypothetically? Oh, hypothetically I would dare SIRE. One ...Two ... Thr-" but before he finished three Arthur had sprung for beneath his blankets and was scrambling away. When he stopped he eyed Merlin's empty hands with confusion.

"Were's the jug?" Arthur sputtered.

"Oh SIRE, I was speaking hypothetically of course." Merlin grinned again, "it's the game after all."

Arthur then leaped at Merlin and they wrestled till Merlin was pinned to the floor. Merlin had a feeling that Arthur did not remember last night, or else he was not talking about it, or by now his pratishness would have said something, right? But then again the way Arthur was looming over Merlin it was hard to tell. Merlin swallowed and watched as Arthur's eyes tracked his Adam's apple. But then Arthur pulled way and started muttering something about it being his turn anyway. Merlin heaved himself off the floor, "Then take your turn already SIRE" Merlin wanted to hypothetically ask if Arthur remembered last night or not.

Arthur looked down at his eggs and bacon and looked back to Merlin. "Okay, if I were hypothetically an Animal, what animal do you think I would be?"

Merlin thought for a second "I think you would be a Lion. King of the beast, fearsome warrior, and with the golden hair to match!" he said. This must have been acceptable because Arthur nodded in agreement. "Next question!" Merlin demanded

Arthur looked thoughtful for a second before smiling. "Oh! I have got a question! hypothetically if I had magic, what would you do?" Arthur grinned in jest, but Merlin flinched and paled. Bad question, bad question! Arthur's smile dropped as Merlin looked uncertain.

The one thing Merlin promised himself, is that he would never lie to Arthur this directly when asked about his magic. It was one thing to hide it, but it was another to lie to his face. But this was not the question...it was. Merlin's hands were starting to shake as he thought.

"Merlin?" Arthur questioned.

Merlin shook him away and turned around and started to pace a little. It was not 'the' question. The 'Merling, do you have magic?' question that Merlin had always planned on hearing. but it was close enough. Merlin stopped pacing and stood still. He didn't want to lie anymore, not even hypothetically. Mind made up, Merlin walked right up to Arthur and looked him straight in the eye.

"Hypothetically Arthur, if you had magic, I would share my spell book with you, teach you the few spells I hypothetically know and offer to protect you from your father."


End file.
